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was really starting to miss having him by my side, but it was kind of liberating too. (I had three guys today tell me how "good looking" I was and ask me what was I doing that night. I laughed it off, but it did wonders for my ego! One of them was even pretty handsome. Nice tan, no shirt, grrrrreat body... mmm. Bad Linda! Bad... but Diary, you know what I m thinking. Mmmm.) Hah! Anyway, I came up to see how he was and he was still sleeping! So we went. And I had even more guys hitting on me. And it felt damn good. *** March 18, 2002 Well, he s gone. I suppose he might have gone down to get something to eat after 24 hours of sleep (!) but it would have been nice if he had let me know. Sheesh. Well, back to the pool. Hell with it. Damn it, I miss my Boyd though. I wish he d snap out of it and at least try to have a little fun with us. Hell, we haven t even had sex the whole we ve been here. All this attention s got me pretty riled up... if I don t get something soon, I m gonna have to sneak off and take care of myself. Hah! Found his towel on the floor of the bathroom. It s soaked with crusty blood, and something else. Something black. I hope he doesn t have an infection. Or worse. I m going looking for him. *** March 19, 2002 Dear Diary, I just about had it yesterday. I waited all day for Boyd to come back to the room while Shella and Bryce went out again. They went shopping and down to the beach, and I sat in this damn room. I don t know how many times I ve gone through the whole "This isn t working out" speech. I ordered two movies from the front desk and both of them sucked, but I admit that I did watch "The Fast and the Furious" with Vin Diesel, and had to masturbate afterwards. Oh my God what a relief. I felt dirty, and sexy, and tired all at the same time. I fell asleep on the bed, exhausted. When I awakened, the room was dark except for the lights of Panama City glowing through the window between a sliver of open curtains. I looked around the dark room and searched the shadows. The furniture were hunched shapes that had taken on new proportions while I slept. The hotel was quiet around me. I didn t recall turning off the TV. A cool breeze from the air conditioner kicked on. I was still naked atop the sheets. Shivering, I rose to turn it off. The air conditioner was next to the window. I climbed softly from the bed feeling the need to be quiet. My feet touched the carpet and I took a couple of steps toward the window. Something moved near the curtains. I gasped and stepped back. A man stood next to the window. Boyd. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I could see his shape, his features. His eyes. He stared at me. I felt the need to speak but couldn t say anything. Dread crept with tightness into my chest. Something seemed wrong. "Linda," he said quietly. "Boyd," I started, but didn t know what to say other than, "Where have you been?" "I ve been... studying." Then I noticed the books on the table next to the window. They hadn t been there earlier. He must have brought them. I was angry then, but not angry enough to give the "It s not working out" speech. "Studying?" He came towards me, hands slowly moving to my shoulders. His touch was cold. Not just cool, like chilled flesh, but cold. "Are-are you all right, Boyd?" He nodded slowly, and walked me back to the bed. We lay down then, close to one another, and I could feel the cold from his whole body. I d been aroused earlier, but now I didn t feel it at all. And yet his hands were caressing me. My foot brushed his and I could feel a new towel wrapped around his injured foot. I remembered the blood and black crust I d found in the old towel the day before. "Your foot-" I started. "-is healing." He said. "Shhh." He whispered. And his hands seemed... wet all of a sudden. Wet and slimy. A strange feeling overcame me then. I don t know what it was. A tingling, like one time when I smoked weed laced with some PCP. But I was lulled into a half-slumber as he forced himself on me, and I was helpless to resist. I barely remember the weight of his body atop me. He pushed his way into me and we had sex. I must have been dry because I m sore as hell today, but I can barely remember anything. When I woke up he lay next to me, sleeping like a baby. When I looked at him I was scared. I got up and got dressed and ran out the door. I was going to go down for breakfast. I didn t want to go alone, but I didn t want to wake up Bryce and Shella. Didn t want to have to tell them what happened. What did happen? *** March 20, 2002 Oh my God. I can barely put my pen firmly to paper, but I have to get this out, get this down. I ll never believe this in retrospect. It all seems so much like a dream that it will undoubtedly recede into my memory and be lost... my psyche professor says that the human mind does that to certain unpalatable memories, softens them like the memories of dreams, lets them drop from the front of the mind into the darker depths of subconscious. I can hardly believe what I saw last night. Was it a dream? I spent most of the day alone. I read a book, I wandered around, ate lunch, walked along the beach. Shella and Bryce were probably looking for me, but I didn t care. What would I tell them about last night? About Boyd? I didn t know, and I didn t want to have to face it. I stayed gone all day, and late into the night, I spent some time with the handsome shirtless man in the bar. Even though I probably deserved some time [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ] |