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ago. He was looking wonderingly at her in the dimness. At length he said, "I don't think I understand you." She smiled. "Oh yes, you do." "No, not completely. What was all that talk about god-liness for? Sitting in front of your shrine, arguing about aesthetics?" She stretched lazily on the furs. "Not a preparation for lovemaking, if you think that. I only wanted you to open. When you did ... I had not planned the rest." She laughed. "Even a priestess does not plan everything, you know." "Then what did you expect?" "I thought you might see some of the things I see when I am alone with Fire. Instead, it was I who discovered new things." She blew softly on his sweat-dampened chest, drying it. His nipples were hard amid soft hair. He stroked her back slowly. "I'm glad the subject got changed; I'm not comfortable with religion. You're very beautiful." She said, *'I wish . . /' The room was growing cold; she shivered and moved closer to him. "I wish you would let yourself see the truth inside beauty. It seems such a TERRY CARR " 152 shame to be an artist and not know what you work with." "Beauty and truth are the same thing," he said. She frowned. "No, do not play with words. To say that without understanding it only builds defense against it." He shrugged, continuing to touch the smooth skin of her back, tracing the line of a shoulderblade. She looked across the dark room at her shrine, the pale candle; she was surprised at how much colder the room was without the flame. She pulled one of her furs over them. He said, "I see the beauty in you. Isn't that enough for now?" "For now, yes." The room seemed to grow lighter, and for a moment she thought Erich must have opened the door. But when she looked up the light was gone again. A shudder ran through her, and reflexively she pressed against him. But he was shivering too. The light came again, a sharp burst of it, an explosion. The dark ceiling became a brilliant blue that hurt her eyes; the bed seemed to tilt under her. She saw rushing water, the prow of a boat, and she tore at the imprisoning grip of her gravity harness. Pale-furred tentacles writhed in the air, and she screamed. Someone grabbed and held her; she fought, and from far away she heard Gregorian say, "It's a broadcast." The boat climbed into the air, but two of those huge tentacles had caught hold of the prow she saw a mon-strous creature hanging from the boat, saw its entire mottled body with chilling clarity. Then the boat nosed down into the river again, and the light flickered and dis-appeared; she was in her room again, staring into dark-ness. She was freezing; even her furs held no warmth. Gre-gorian's body against hers was cold as river rock. He said wonderingly, "That was the thing you told me about." "Yes. The Beast." Her lips were numb. Light returned, bright sky and white water flashing for 153 " CIRQUE several moments. The boat was settling in thick rushes near the bank. She heard the drone of an engine and looked up to see a Guard flier overhead. The dark room closed in again. This time she quickly got to her feet and went to her shrine. She lit the candle, her hands shaking. The light of her small Fire flared into bright blue, and she was on the river again. She swayed and caught at the wall beside her shrine; then she was clutching her seat in the boat, and Nikki was saying, "It won't hurt us; it's beautiful, did you see it?" Darkness strobed. She tried to focus her gaze on Fire, but it disappeared. She was struggling to free herself from Nikki, and the creature came out of the water again. This time she deliberately forced the scene from her mind. Fire returned, and she fastened her gaze on it, opened her self to its familiar warmth. The room became real again, and now it stayed with her. She leaned one hand on the wall and gradually steadied herself. . Gregorian came and wrapped a fur around her shoul-ders. "It's only a broadcast," he said. "Something wrong with it, though it keeps fading in and out." Yes, she thought. The monitor's presence had felt dif-ferent too: straining, unsure. She picked up her robe and drew it over her head, thoughts whirling in her mind. That thing, the Beast . . . it was loose on the surface, probably less than a kilometer from the Cathedral. She thought: What if it gets away? If it attacks here tonight, there will be hundreds of people trapped inside. She heard Gregorian's shaky laugh. "Well, you did open me," he said. "But I don't think what I saw was beautiful." The room's chill would not leave her; she wrapped her arms around her shoulders and stood looking at the shrine. "Did they get it?" she asked; but her voice was TERRY CARR " 154 Robin's and the bright sky was exploding into the room again. "The creature has escaped," said the millipede. The sky faded away, but those words seemed to echo in the room. A draft of air blew in past the shrine, cold from the river just outside. Annalie forced herself to sit up, piling pillows against the great carved headboard so that she could lean against them till her dizziness passed. After a moment, the vertigo was gone. The darkness retreated into the corners of her room. "I want to go outside," she said to Livy. "Will you go with me?" Livy looked hesitantly at her. "You should rest," she said. "No, I feel much better. Really, Livy, I feel fine." She realized as she said it that it was true: the sick weakness, even the fright, was gone from her. "You need to get your strength back," Livy said. "I'm glad you feel so much better, but you can't " "Livy, this wasn't a sickness like other people have. We're not like other people; you know that. I think . . . it was a mindstorm, that's all. And it's gone now." Except that I still can't see anything outside this room; I can't hear except with my ears. But maybe that's tem-porary too. She tried to remember what she'd heard of mindstorms. They were rare, usually striking less developed mind talents than hers; she couldn't remember ever hearing of a monitor having one. Maybe we only get them when we're too old, she thought. When we're ready to die. She thrust the idea from her. "Please, Livy. Do you realize how long I've lived in this one room, never going out to breathe fresh air? I want to smell the grass." "We don't need to go outside," Livy said. "Why 155 " CIRQUE should we, when we can see everything through other people's " She stopped, embarrassed. "That's what I mean," said Annalie. "I can't see any-thing else now. I never realized how small this room is. It oppresses me, Livy; I need openness." Livy stood up, turning to go to the door. "Ill ask Sherrard." "No." Annalie threw back the blanket and slid to the side of her bed. Carefully, grasping the headboard, she raised herself to her feet. "Sherrard!" Livy called to him anxiously, then hurried to Annalie's side; she took her firmly by the elbow. "Here, lean on me." "It's not necessary, Livy." And it was true; Annalie felt strength returning to her moment by moment. As soon as she'd thought of going outside, she'd begun to feel better. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ] |